Letters
by Second Storey Stairwell
Summary: He left again. It didn’t make a difference that he had convinced the Hokage to make it an official mission. The fact is he left. And he didn’t even have the guts to say good bye face to face. Who needs a stupid letter? SasuNaru
1. Chapter One

**Summary: **_He left again. It didn't make a difference that he had convinced the Hokage to make it official mission. The fact is he left. And he didn't even have the guts to say good bye face to face. Who needs a stupid letter?_

**Warnings: **_Yaoi Lemons MPreg Angst Swearing_

**Rating: **_Mature_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights, nor do I wish to own the rights to Naruto or its characters

* * *

-.-

_**Letters**_

_**Chapter One**_

_-.-_

_He left again._

_Why did he go?_

_Why without me?!_

_I said I would choose him._

_But he left._

_-.-_

Naruto looked around the room, wondering why nothing had changed. How could something as big as this not affect the whole world? Why hadn't the floor opened beneath his feet, swallowing him. He began packing things in boxes slowly, not really noticing what he picked up. These boxes would not be opened for a long time he knew. Not until the owner of which these objects belonged came back. He would not forget, but he would move on. He couldn't let his heart keep breaking like this. It just wasn't who he was. He would carefully place them at the back of his closet, promising himself not to bring them out till the time was right.

He had seen Sakura's tears, knowing at least that he was not the only one who hadn't seen it coming. There had been nothing that he could think of that would give warrant for this to be the day he left. But it was time to stop thinking about it. To stop wondering if it was his fault. He knew it wasn't. He had been told before that he couldn't have changed it. Had it not been today, it would just be tomorrow. Love wasn't as all powerful as people thought he guessed.

It was time to wake up, to move along with his life in wait. When Sasuke was ready, he would be back. It was not his place to jail him in this village when his blood sang for revenge. For now he would keep going with his lessons. Keep eating his ramen. Keep smiling.

He almost regretted not telling Sasuke about the baby. Almost. It would feel too much like putting shackles on him. He didn't need that to be the only reason Sasuke stayed. For now he would bear the life they both created. At least he knew he was fulfilling on of Sasuke's wishes, even if without his knowledge. If he asked himself seriously though, he was pretty sure he would be hunting Sasuke down right now if it weren't for his state of health. He knew of the danger Sasuke was in. He knew there was a high chance he wouldn't come back, as much as it pained him to admit it. Their baby would take on the Uchiha name only when his father came back, or when he reached adulthood. Whichever came first. He hoped for the first option.

He slowly made his way to the Hokage's tower, knowing that she needed to talk to him about his condition. He could not keep it a secret alone. Not in town full of ninjas. He only hoped she would not ask after the father. He knew she would already know, and he did not like the idea of saying it aloud. Though slim, there was still the chance of being over heard. The problems that would cause would be impossible to count.

He waved at Kiba in passing, missing the confused look shot his way. He had no time for anything other than the problem ahead. It was time to face the music so to speak. It felt a bit more like a sharpened kunai in his opinion though.

"Naruto..." The blonde Hokage looked up from her untouched paperwork, a sad look coming upon her face as she noticed who her guest was.

"Hello Tsunade-Baachan. I guess you know why I'm here." He sat down directly across from her.

"I think I may have an idea, but first I think I owe it to you to inform you of something. Sasuke is not a missing nin." If she was expecting a surprised reaction, she would have been sorely disappointed.

"I know. He left a note. I'm not gonna ask you why you did what you did, I don't want to blame you or be angry at you, and I'm not so sure I could stop myself if I hear you talk about him." He was looking off through the window, his eyes unseeing.

"Naruto, you must understand though. If I hadn't done what I did, you would've been forced to kill him on sight! You know the rules. He begged me to make it a mission. Have you ever seen an Uchiha beg? Even if you don't like them , it's enough to make your heart break. I am sorry that this is hurting you, but I don't regret it." She watched as his fists clenched briefly before releasing.

"Does he know? I mean... did you tell him? I know you know it is his." Tsunade looked at him sharply.

"Do you really think he would have left if I had? Do you think I would have broken your confidence?! Get your head straight!" She took a deep breath before continuing.

"Now, will you be continuing your studies, or would you like to be moved until the baby's due?" He glanced at her before quickly going back to his staring into the distance.

"I think it would be best if I stay and do as much of my lessons as I can before I start to show, then I will leave on an '_extended mission'_, though I think it will be best if you give me lessons to do while I'm gone." He got up to leave, the chair scraping loudly against the floor.

"He didn't do it to..." She sighed softly, knowing that her words would most likely make no effect. "He didn't do it to hurt you. You know that right? This hurts him too. But he couldn't have stayed, if not for his own peace of mind, but for your sake too."

"I know he that he didn't mean to. I'm not stupid. But the fact of the matter is that he did. He did hurt me, is still hurting me. It will hurt for as long as he is gone and then some. I know he had to leave, I know. But he didn't have to leave _me_. I told him, I go where he goes. How can he expect me to be understanding of his feeling when he ignored mine? I would have gone too, Baa-chan." Tears fell from his eyes to stain his whiskered cheeks.

"I would have gone too."

-.-

**

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**

A/N

Well this is hopefully going to be a multichapter fic. If you think I should continue then I will. Let's see how it goes. I'm not obsessed with reviews, so I won't be gauging whether or not this continues on the amount of reviews I get, but on the type I get. Like how enthusiastic people seem about it. Even if it's only one review I get, if the person genuinely thinks it's worth reading, I will keep it going. It seems pretty sad now, but I don't intend for it to always be like that. It will most definitely have a happy ending. Well maybe not happy, 'cos that might not fit, but definitely not tear worthy. Even though it would be _easier_ to write a sad ending, I can't make myself do it. I get upset just thinking about my SasuNaru paring being sad. It's okay in a one-shot, but you get too attached to characters if the story gets long.

**A/N**


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary:** _He left again. It didn't make a difference that he had convinced the Hokage to make it official mission. The fact is he left. And he didn't even have the guts to say good bye face to face. Who needs a stupid letter?_

**Warnings:** _Yaoi Lemons Mpreg Angst Swearing_

**Rating: **_Mature_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights, nor do I wish to own the rights to Naruto or its characters

* * *

-.-

_**Letters**_

_**Chapter Two**_

_-.-_

Stepping out into the fading light, Naruto allowed himself a sigh of relief. He had now checked off two things on his list. All he had to do for the rest of the day was eat and sleep. Tomorrow he would begin to prepare for his departure.

As he slowly made his way home, he failed to notice the person running to catch up with him. Finally hearing the huffed breathes of his follower, he turned to be greeted with one very puffed Kiba.

"I ran here straight after training," Kiba answered to the questioning look. Receiving an even more confused face he went on. "I wanted to know if you were up for ramen, but I guess if you don't want to..." He barely even had to wait a second for the apologizes to come gushing forward. It seemed nothing affected some things.

As they made their way to Ichiraku, Naruto never noticed the confused look he repeatedly received from his companion. It was not until there was food in front of them that Kiba spoke on what seemed to be bothering him.

"Does he know?" The death like whisper barely reached Naruto's ears.

"Pardon?"

Kiba's hands clenched tightly before he repeated himself.

"Does he know? Did he know before he left? About the baby."

Naruto dropped his chopsticks, eyes glued to the table.

"How…?"

Kiba tapped his nose lightly, a sad look on his face. His anger quickly came back.

"Answer the question, Naruto!" 

Naruto sighed quietly, slowly lifting his eyes to meet Kiba's.

"I wondered the same thing. I thought that maybe he had somehow found out, and it had scared him. But no. He doesn't know. Tsunade-Baachan is right; he wouldn't have left if he knew."

A fake smile flitted over his face. Slowly he pushed away from the table, whispering his thanks for the meal. Moving to stand he was stopped by a pressure upon his arm. Confused, he tried pull away from the grip.

"Let me…let me look after you. I don't mean look after your heart, I wouldn't even imagine taking that job from Sasuke. I just mean let me look after you and the baby." He was looking at their hands, the way they strangely were the same color. Hearing a bitter laugh he looked up to see a shaking Naruto.

"I don't need anyone to look after me."

Walking down the street he tried to ignore the yelling as best he could.

"What if he doesn't come back Naruto! No one can do something like this alone! Let me be a friend, dammit!"

Realizing that he was having no effect, he re-entered the store to pay the bill. Why did people have to be stubborn? Was loneliness so great at healing wounds?

-.-

_Naruto,_

_I'm wondering if you'll actually read this. Maybe you'll just rip it up; you never were one to listen to excuses. I just thought you ought to know that I will be away on a mission for a while. Gondaime has sent me to finish what I started. I did ask her, so don't think she came up with it on her own. I know how angry you can get. I'm sorry if you wanted a tear streaked love letter, but you know I can't give you that. I can't give you much at all actually, not until I have done this for myself. I will never be whole until this is over; neither of us will be safe either. I will miss you, but I can't afford to think of you. I'm not stupid, I might not come back. I'm sorry. It might not mean anything, but I really am. I never mean for you to get hurt, but it seems to be the one thing I am exceptionally good at._

_Teme_

-.-

Fishing the letter from one of the boxes in his cupboard, Naruto cursed his weakness. Not even a full day and he was already breaking the promise to himself.

He placed it in the draw beside their – his bed. It wouldn't hurt to just read it every so often, would it?

Sighing, he went to lay down again. Pulling the blanket to his chin he willed away his tears. There was no room for them in his life for the moment. 

Kiba was right. Sasuke might not come back. He couldn't do this alone. He just needed some time to get over his wounded pride. This was his and Sasuke's baby. Was it really so bad of him if he didn't want others interfering?

Naruto curled into a tighter ball, wishing angrily that he hadn't changed the sheets. They smelled of lemons, but that was not the smell he craved. No, he needed something more.

They had made love the night before. The night before he left. Sasuke's scent had engulfed him. Even though he knew it would be worse in the morning if hadn't changed the sheets, he couldn't stop yelling at himself for his stupidity in changing them. He just wanted that last little connection. Just the smell of him in the house would be enough, even if it wasn't real.

It would be enough...

Because it would have to be.

A/N

This took a while to get up. Thanks for the reviews. Glad a few people liked it so far. I will probably repost this soon. I just wanted to get up before I went to work so it might not be so great. I haven't read through it yet in comparison to the first chapter. I'll probably update again in a week. See ya later.

**A/N**


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary: **_He left again. It didn't make a difference that he had convinced the Hokage to make it official mission. The fact is he left. And he didn't even have the guts to say good bye face to face. Who needs a stupid letter?_

**Warnings: **_Yaoi Lemons Mpreg Angst Swearing_

**Rating: **_Mature_

**Disclaimer:**I do not own the rights, nor do I wish to own the rights to Naruto or its characters

* * *

-.-

_**Letters**_

_**Chapter Three**_

_-.-_

Waking up is hard.

Waking up is something all people do. Just a simple chore. Just routine. But today; today it was almost impossible. He probably would not have even breathed if his body didn't do that on its own already.

With the sun glaring in his eyes, Naruto pushed himself from the bed, groaning with every movement of his body. _The first day is always the hardest. _That was how the saying goes. His only hope was that the saying held true, so for now he would persevere. 

Keep trying.

First on his list of '_to do's'_ was to clean the house. Clean it of all its reminders; all smells. Last night had shown him just how weak he really was. He had to finish this today while his mind was still clear.

Half way through his cleaning of the kitchen, a banging at the door signified he had a visitor.

He did not need company.

He did not want company.

All the smirking and condescending looks, the people saying he should have seen it coming. Maybe they were trying to be nice, comforting maybe. But then why, why did they just seem to be pushing him down more? Was it paranoia?

Pushing himself off his hands and knees, he staggered his way to the entrance, his leg muscles feeling sluggish. From the way the banging was becoming more and more insistent, he could guess that the person didn't like being ignored. But you didn't always get what you liked, did you?

Opening it to the sound of rusted hinges, he didn't even pretend to be surprised at who was before him. Turning he left the door wide open as he made his way back to the kitchen, the padding of feet following him.

"What are you doing here, Dog Breath?"

Flinching slightly at the nickname, Kiba showed no signs of wanting to reply. Sighing, Naruto gestured to the couch.

"If it's about last night then you can save your breath, I'm not ready to consider such options. Put it down to wounded pride or whatever you want. I'm just not ready." He glanced up quickly to see a soft smile spread over Kiba's face.

"I'm glad you're at least thinking about it. I'm sure you could look after the baby fine by yourself, but it's nice to have help, isn't it?" Kiba held out his hand to Naruto, pulling him down onto the couch too.

"Now we have other matters to sort out. First and foremost is do you have any form of income? I'm guessing that you won't be on missions for a while. I'm not pushing my way in, I'm just sorting these basic things out. Once done, you can have seven months to think about it."

Hearing a gasp, Kiba looked over at Naruto, confused.

"How in the hell did you know I am two months? Oh God, don't tell me your nose can tell that too!" It was almost comical, the look on Naruto's face; beet red with anger, yet scrunched up in confusion.

Laughing, Kiba chose to ignore the question, preferring to ask his once again hoping for an answer. Naruto sighed and decided that it wouldn't hurt to get the basics sorted out now.

"Well, I have complete access to the Uchiha treasur-"

"Wow, I guess income is covered."

Receiving a glare, Kiba allowed Naruto to continue.

"The Uchiha treasury, and I will be leaving in a few months for an _extended mission_. That has already been sorted out with the old hag. But I'm not sur-" Naruto leapt from the couch running to the bathroom. Heaving sounds flowed from the tiled room as anxious steps followed him in.

"Shit. If I didn't trust my nose before then I sure as hell do now." His voice softened as he held Naruto's hair back making soothing circles on the back of his neck. "What have you done to yourself, mate?" he whispered quietly.

Naruto rinsed his mouth out slowly before turning. His head swam with more than just queasiness. Looking at Kiba he noticed that the bo-**man** looked expectant. Realizing that he hadn't finished his earlier sentence, he continued, voice scratchy and rough from his previous activities.

"I'm not sure if I should go earlier though. It's almost impossible to keep secrets in this village and the longer I stay the bigger the chance there is that someone else will find out. I don't think I can risk that."

He waited for an answer, noticing how Kiba's brow was furrowed. Be it annoyance, confusion, or something else entirely, he was not sure.

"Sooner. As Soon as you can, you should go, Naruto. You're right. It is much too hard and dangerous to keep a secret this big in Konoha. Talk it out with the Hokage and see when you can leave. I think it's about time we finished your cleaning though; enough of these serious topics." He smiled down at Naruto, already making his way to the half clean kitchen.

Naruto stared after Kiba, not quite understanding what was going on.

A/N

Thank you for the reviews so far. It was mentioned by someone that my chapters should be longer, but since this one was already finished, it didn't feel right to add on the stuff I had written for the forth chapter in it. I promise though that from here on in my chapters will be longer. Now I have a bit of a pole for you. Who would you like Kiba to end up with? Here's a list of potentials, but you can **try **and convince me of others.

**Hinata**

**Neji (wtf?)**

**Shino**

**Shikamaru**

**Kankuro**

I'm not putting in Itachi even though I know he is popular because it would so0o not fit with my story. I am asking everyone who he should end up with because even though it may look like it is going towards the KibaNaru sort of area, it is most definitely SASUNARU. No WAY is that going to change.

Oh, one question. Is it just me or is the style of writing completely changing from how it first started? It feels weird. Change is good in some cases, but I don't think this change is making it better. Oh well. 

See ya soon

**A/N**


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary: **_He left again. It didn't make a difference that he had convinced the Hokage to make it official mission. The fact is he left. And he didn't even have the guts to say good bye face to face. Who needs a stupid letter?_

**Warnings: **_Yaoi Lemons Mpreg Angst Swearing_

**Rating: **_Mature_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights, nor do I wish to own the rights to Naruto or its characters

-.-

_**Letters **_

_**Chapter Four **_

-.-

_What do you do when you feel like your heart has been broken? When you feel betrayed but know you haven't been? Crying is a no. The first few times it helps, the next, it makes it worse. When you are upset, when you cry, thinking straight is out of the question. The pain floods your insides and your heart until it's overwhelming. And then the anger sets in and you get pissed. Blaming anyone and everyone for the pain you are feeling is the only thing you can do. _

_After the tears, after the river mouths that your eyes have become dry, you regret. You regret being angry at everyone, all the harsh things you thought about them. And then the guilt sets in and you want to apologize, but can't. You can't because they never heard what you had wanted to say in the first place. This means the guilt stays. Instead of pain, it is this that is now overwhelming. _

-.-

Naruto stared at the piece of paper, the small scrap of parchment, and its neatly written words.

He knew the hand that had written this.

The pale elegant hand, and it scared him just how much it affected him. This note, this letter, meant that he wasn't as alone as he thought himself to be. He laughed at how sappy it was, wondering how the man had forced his pen to write it. It was so out of character. But everything that was written was true. The complete understanding of how he felt astounded him. There was no "_To",_ no "_From"_, but he knew with every fiber of his being who had sent it.

He placed it back within the bedside drawer he had found it, wondering how in the world it had gotten there without him noticing. He was a ninja god damnit! Soon to be Hokage and he still didn't even pick up a whiff of an intruder!

Kneeling beside his bed he lifted his hands to rub his aching temples only to feel wetness on his cheeks. Not understanding why it was there, he looked at his hand confused. He stared at it as if it was someone else's and had been sewn to his arm by mistake.

He couldn't lie to himself.

He _**did**_ know why he cried, but to him, it felt like a pathetic reason. He had missed his chance. What if Sasuke had been in this very room? Even if it was just someone who had been sent by Sasuke, it was still a person who could give him news. Tell him where that bastard was. Tell him that the bastard was safe.

Wiping his eyes, he began to change for bed. He knew now though, that he couldn't leave just yet. Not until he knew who had placed the letter in his house.

He had to know.

-.-

"Naruto, I'll take you to see the Hokage and we can sort out when you are leaving."

Kiba had barged into Naruto's house, no asking of permission or knocking of doors.

Sighing, Naruto turned to face Kiba.

"I'm not going yet."

"Well hurry up then. You have to get this sorted as soon as possible."

"I meant I'm not leaving yet."

Kiba looked at him confused.

"Why? I thought we talked this out yesterday."

"I'm not ready yet. I know we talked about it, but there are things I have to do. I can't just up and leave."

"Things like what!" He was angry. He had a right to be. His friend was endangering his own life along with the baby's.

"Naruto! You _do_ know what will happen if news gets out about this, right? No one will stand for it! Heck, even some of our friends won't be able to wrap their heads around it! You need to leave before it gets to that."

He let loose a puff of air, trying to calm himself. Catching the end of a mumble he looked sharply at Naruto.

"What was that?"

Looking up defiantly, Naruto glared at Kiba.

"What if he comes back?"

"Naruto, I will not tell you he's not coming back. We both know that as long as he lives he will. But we also **both** know that it will be a long time before his mission is finished. You can't wait around forever." Kiba said, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

"What if for some reason he comes back in a week or so. It's not likely, but what if? How would you feel if the one you loved gave up on you in less than a week – less than a few **days**?" Naruto was screaming now, his eyes over bright.

"But you are not giving up. You're doing this for your safety. He will understand."

There was no use arguing. They understood that, but neither was willing to give up.

"I will not leave yet! Give me a month or so-"

"A month is too long, Naruto!"

Quieting, the blond looked at Kiba.

"I got a letter, Kiba. I know he's not too far away. If we leave now, how will he know where to send news?"

Kiba was becoming more and more furious.

"A letter? A simple little letter is why you are willing to risk yours _**and**_Sasuke's baby!" he whispered venomously.

"Shut up Kiba. Just shut up." Naruto was tired. He was emotional, and he did not feel like being proven wrong at this point in time.

"You don't understand Kiba. Do you know how badly I want to speak to him? Just to see him even. It's only been three days and I feel like I am being torn apart. If it was any other mission I would be fine. Under any other circumstances. You just don't understand." He felt like crying. At any given moment they would start to fall. He was not ready to cry in front of people. Not even his friends. He couldn't add this onto his list of shitty things that happened to him.

Kiba looked at him incredulously.

"I don't understand?" he whispered.

Naruto looked at him, finally realizing how harsh his words were.

"Kiba... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up-"

"Don't. Don't even think of talking about him. At least Sasuke left for yours and his safety. We both know what would have happened if anyone of the people after you two found out about you being a couple." Kiba laughed bitterly, the sour look seeming so unnatural on his face.

"Your love cared about you. Mine...mine obviously didn't. **My **_love_ left for no reason at all. He didn't have our safety or revenge as an excuse. No. He just up and left, but wait. Maybe he was better than Sasuke. He said goodbye to my face at least." He lowered his voice, his mouth set into an ugly sneer.

"_This never meant anything anyway. It was just a play we acted out. A show. I am sick of this show now. So I guess it is time we went our separate ways."_

Naruto gasped.

"You n-never said anything."

"What would be the point? We are both the same. Neither of us want pity."

Kiba drew out a long sigh.

Naruto moved closer, all thoughts of his own problems gone.

"He's been missing for a year; can you really still not say his name?" he whispered quietly, looking steadily into Kiba's eyes.

"What do you mean!" Kiba snapped back quickly.

"You didn't say it. You **haven't **said it since he went missing."

"I can...I just don't want to. I can...but it just hurts to, so I would rather not," Kiba sulkily admitted.

"Have you ever thought that maybe he said those harsh words because he knew something was going to happen to him? Maybe he thought it would be easier for you to move on if you thought he never cared."

"I am not here to discuss _my_ problems; problems that are a year old, okay? We are talking about you. And as much as I would like to believe what you are saying, that does not seem very likely. It sounds more like something your Sasuke would do. Let's get off this subject, and move on to the fact that you need to get out of the village." Kiba folded his arms, his lips set in a stern line.

"Just give me a week, Kiba. I promise you we will be out of here in a week." He knew he was fighting a losing battle.

"'We' as in you and the baby, or 'we' as in you, the baby, and _**me**_?" Kiba tried to keep the anxious look off his face.

"Well I'm going to need **somebody** to hold my hair back while I puke." He grinned evilly up at Kiba, almost laughing at how happy Kiba seemed at this simple news.

"Does that mean I get to be an uncle?" Kiba asked excitedly, all gloom from the previously depressing conversation gone.

"Yes," Naruto laughed. "Yes you are."

-.-

_I miss you _

**A/N**

Oooooo. I wonder what happened to Kiba's _love_. I wonder who it is. Ooooooo. Hahahahaha. Oh well. You can tell by now I hope that whoever it was that Kiba was with before was a man, making it another cute little yaoi couple for the story. But (just to confuse you more) it may not be the person he is paired with in this story. Any who. I know I promised longer chapters, and I really am trying, so I'm sorry that this only 600 words longer than usual. I hope this is a sign I am getting better at making my chapters longer, and **really **hope you guys are patient and stick with me. At least I almost doubled my usual length right? Right? No? Oh... I'm sorry. :P

So far I have in my vote for who should end up with Kiba:

**Hinata** - _2 _

**Neji** - _1 _(poor Neji, awwww – heh heh)

**Shino – **_4 _(oh wow, p.s, I added in both your votes** Pasty **and **Fishi **CX)

**Shikamaru **– _0 _(so far anyway, though there was a sort of vote. I was sort of expecting zero for Neji not Shikamaru, but then again this good as I am a strong ShikaTema fan)

**Kankuro** – _2 _(a bit disappointed with you Kankuro/sigh)

I also had a PM for Itachi, haha. I am really sorry, but that is not going to happen. As much as I am okay with readying it in a few Au fics as a side pairing, I don't think I could write it myself, especially when my story is not AU. Once again, sorry.

You may all be wondering why the hell I updated so soon – though hope fully not complaining P. I must say I was surprised at myself too. I just got a whole lot of reviews in one day and was like, Whoot go me, and started writing like a maniac. I made this deal with myself that I would update whenever I got one chapter ahead, and even though I finished sooner than I thought I would, I decided to update anyway.

Another reason is that Prelim High School exams in New Zealand are starting up, and since I tutor quite a few High Schoolers, I don't think I'll have much time at all to update. I would feel bad if I didn't update at **least** once a week, so I thought I would just update now. It may take a while for the next to come up though, so I am sorry.

The next poll I have will be in the next chapter. It will be on when you think Sasuke should come back and how.

See ya later.

**A/N**


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary: **_He left again. It didn't make a difference that he had convinced the Hokage to make it official mission. The fact is he left. And he didn't even have the guts to say goodbye face to face. Who needs a stupid letter?_

**Warnings: **_Yaoi, Lemons, Mpreg Angst Swearing_

**Rating: **_Mature_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights, nor do I wish to own the rights to Naruto or its characters 

_**Letters**_

_**Chapter Five**_

-.-

_I miss you_

-.-

He didn't know what he had been hoping for. Maybe a tear streaked poem; one with cheesy over used lines and almost empty words that could easily be lies, but sounded so sweet that the reader never cared. Whatever it was that he had been anticipating, this topped it.

Three little words.

Not the three words others would want to hear most, but beautiful all the same. They made his heart soar and weep and brought a smile to his face. Even this was enough.

A week.

All he had was a week.

He had no idea, no clue at all what could be accomplished with this period of grace he had be given. What could come out of it? All he wanted was to know where the letters were coming from. It hurt so much to think that Sasuke might have been in the house and he had not noticed. How could he call himself the man's lover if he couldn't even sense his presence? As much as he anticipated a note's arrival, a new letter, he couldn't help but feel he was going slowly insane with each passing one. It was like death by ramen, oh so sweet, but painful all the same.

Sighing softly he placed the scrap of paper with the others. Lying down upon the too big bed, he couldn't help but feel cold. The blankets were warm, the heater on full blast, but his body ached for something more.

Curling on his side, he closed his eyes lazily while stretching out his chakra to the tiny ball deep within him. The little bundle of flames that always made him happy.

It was like being in love. No matter how much pain you are in, how down you are, just seeing them, feeling them near you, would take it all away. It baffled him that he could feel this way about a being he had never met. He wasn't stupid contrary to popular belief, he had no doubt in his mind that he would love **their** child with all his soul; he had just always thought that the feelings would come after the baby was born, or at least when he/she had a proper body. Right now, it was just a mass of cells with a small flame of chakra in the middle.

He was worried.

As much as he wanted to meet the baby, he didn't want the child being born into the world as it was now, and he was pretty sure that it wouldn't change much in the course of a few months. There was nothing to be done about this problem though. He couldn't slow down the rate of growth. For now, sleep was calling and it sounded pretty damn tempting.

-.-

There was so much Naruto had to do, and all he had was a week. First off, he needed to find something to put the letters in. He thought that a very clean ramen bowl would be the best. The two things that meant the most to him together sounded right to him. But after much deliberation, he realized that not only would Sasuke kill him, but it also didn't have a lid.

Wandering Konoha markets, he thought on all that had changed. The village's idea of him hadn't changed much on a whole, but they way they acted out had. He was a jounin that deserved respect, and this meant that the only thing they could do was make snide comments or throw him dirty looks. These he ignored; there was no point in getting upset anymore over such little things. He had earned the trust of a few more citizens and gotten more smiles than he used too.

Just the smiles almost made things bearable.

Moving in closer to one of the smaller stalls, he let his eyes rove over the objects ready to be sold. Already he had seen five different stalls, and nothing jumped out to him. Nothing screamed Sasuke.

Moving onto the next, he looked for a bit before deciding that there was nothing here either. Preparing to go to the other side of the market in hopes of his luck being better there, his eye was caught by a very dark, but very plain wooden box. It was so simple that it could easily be over looked.

Moving closer to inspect it, he carefully lifted the latch.

The inside shocked him.

Velvet adorned the inner walls, polished black gems in every corner.

It was perfect.

Maybe someone else would buy a beautifully ornate box when thinking of Sasuke, something that trapped your attention for a bit. But this was so much better. The simplicity of the front made you look past it, no one would ever think much of it.

But once opened, you were trapped forever.

It was like his heart.

So cold and dark, concrete walls surrounding it, and never a smile to make the journey to its center easier. But if you kept at it, persevered to the very end, the reward was unimaginable. That someone who seemed so arrogant and aloft could ever be warm was astounding.

And as sickly sweet as it would sound, he was the only one with the key.

This boisterous, obnoxious boy had been all that it took to break down the walls. Who would have thought? Everything about him an opposite, but everything about him just right.

Making his way home, he secretly smirked to himself. The damn bastard would be shocked at how a little inanimate object summed him up perfectly.

-.-

Naruto guessed people were right. Things did get easier. Waking up seemed to take less and less effort, though sleep was still as much the siren as ever; but he had a baby to blame so he wasn't too worried. What he _was_ worried about though was Sasuke. The letters had stopped, and with this being his last day left in Konoha, he had no idea what to do.

Fleeing was out of the question, he had already tried that. Kiba had smiled softly and asked if it was really worth the risk. That had been his downfall. If Kiba had yelled, called him stupid or even tried to force him to stay, he could have fought. He could have used pride as an excuse, but as it was now, he had nothing. The quiet, understanding way Kiba had spoken had more effect than a slap to the face.

It **wasn't** worth it.

As much as it hurt him to admit, it wasn't. Not only would he never forgive himself if something had happened to the baby, but Sasuke probably wouldn't be able to either.

He moved to his bedside table, ready to pack away the last of his things. He had procrastinated for the larger part of the day and with only half an hour till departure, and he knew his time was up. Pulling a plain wooden box from the draw, he leafed through the neatly piled contents for the most recent letter. It had been found on top of one of his instant ramen packages, a slowly melting ice sculpture being used as a paper weight upon it.

-.-

_Did you know,_

_That hearts are like glass?_

_Sure everyone would think that is because they are so fragile..._

_But I think not._

_I think that hearts are like glass because,_

_When someone gets close enough, _

_They can see right through them._

_Sometimes though,_

_People have their curtains drawn_

_To keep out unwanted darkness._

_So that at night,_

_Their lights aren't swallowed into the never ending,_

_Ever expanding colorless pit._

_I have mine closed for the opposite reason though._

_I am afraid of this light._

_My curtains only open when the sun has set._

_If the happiness that came with the dawning sun ever reached me,_

_I would forget._

_Forget all that has been done to me,_

_My need for revenge would be gone._

_I do not wish to stay in my corner of depression,_

_But I never wish to lose sight of my family's honor._

_You though,_

_Came forcefully into my home._

_Like a gust of wind,_

_You blew open my curtains_

_And it scared me._

_But I didn't forget,_

_And you never pushed me to 'get over it' as many others._

_For some reason, you understand._

_So as selfish as it sounds,_

_I hope,_

_For my sake,_

_That you will understand once more._

-.-

This letter, over all the others, made him feel the worst. It made him feel so guilty for being angry. Made him feel downright stupid for not having more compassion towards Sasuke's needs. After though, he just felt pissed. The bastard had done it on purpose! He couldn't yell at him now when he came back. He could almost **hear** the silent laughter coming from the arrogant man. It made his blood boil.

To think, such touching words would be used in this way. Sure others may say him paranoid, and others still, would call him crazy, but he couldn't help it. The Uchiha was sneaky, and he knew it well.

Sighing, he placed the box into the bag he would be carrying. As silly as it may sound, he didn't want it out of reaching distance.

Hoisting the bag onto his back, he moved to pick up his other two bags before a knock at the door caught his attention. Mumbling to himself like an old woman, he made his way to the door. Being greeted by a grinning Kiba, he very nearly slammed the door closed again.

Sighing once more, he went back into his bedroom to pick up his forgotten bags, not even bothering to say a hello in the direction of his friend.

"I'll take that as a 'I still don't want to go'." Kiba's grin would have been blinding had Naruto bothered to look.

"Of course I don't but you're right, and before I hear an 'I told you so' I will warn you that I am about to kill something and that could very well be you."

Kiba's grin faltered slightly, before coming right back, though it seemed a bit more fake than the previous one.

"Uh, I would uh, never do that, yeah..."

Naruto glared at him quickly before throwing the heavier of the two bags at his face.

"I'm pregnant, so you carry it. Be thankful I'm not making you carry both."

"Hey! You and I both know that it's too early for you to be pulling those sorts of orders. Wait till you are actually in your second trimester...user," Kiba grumbled quietly as he shifted his bags around to make room for the new one.

"Uncle privileges."

Hearing a snort Naruto couldn't help but grin either.

"So...you ready? We won't be coming back for a long time."

Naruto looked at his feet knowing he couldn't answer.

"Tsunade knows the drill; she will send word of any and all news. Don't worry so much, okay?"

"...okay."

"Well! Let's get going then!"

-.-

* * *

**A/N**

Okay, first off,

**SOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRY!**

I did not mean to take so long in updating. Sure I was busy, but if I am completely honest, there were a few times when I could have started writing but I was just lazy. So I am really sorry!

Secondly, we have a big problem.

I am missing a chapter! (Well half of one anyway)

I don't know where Naruto and Kiba will be staying. This means there has been a bit of a change in the poll I am having in this chapter. I said it would be a Sasuke one but I think this little crisis is a bit more important (gasp! Even more than Sasuke!... Yes) So here it is:

_**Where Naruto should stay:**_

**Old Uchiha House **– _It will be just like an old abandoned one (since they are all dead, duh) and I could use it as a legitimate reason to bring in Itachi later on. Oh the drama!_

**Minato's House** –_ The Hokage will have found this house for Naruto, and it will turn out to be the Fourth's old house._

**Little House In Forest** –_ A place Naruto already knew of prior and I think I could make this one a bit funny._

So, what do you think of the options? Lame? Cliché? Oh well.

So far in the previous poll, it is only really between **Shino** and **Kankuro**. For that, I have already made up my mind on how it is going to work out, and I think it will be good. I have never really been a fan of **Shino**, but it's not like I don't like him, I just never really got to know him. But for the sake of the fans, I have been reading up on him. He was really popular and is most definitely going to be an important character in the story. **Kankuro** on the other hand, I quite like him but I don't know how to bring him in. He will most probably come in way after **Shino** but will be important to the plot too... I guess, or well I hope he will anyway. (Hah! See I made it so you still don't know who **Kiba **ends up with, heheheh... I'm so mean /sigh)

Once again, it may take me a while to update. I stupidly gave my number to my students (is that what you call people you tutor?) and they have been calling/texting me non-stop. Mostly it's not even school related. Damn kids. One actually asked me to bring alcohol to his birthday, what a silly. He's turning 18, but since his party is before the actual date, he's not allowed any. I think his parents did it on purpose so he **couldn't** have alcohol. He's just trying to get me in trouble because I told his parents he needs to try working harder. Either that or stop skipping school. Whichever one he finds more appealing I guess.

Thank you all so much for the reviews, they make my life bearable, what with all my aggressive friends and annoying students. I don't know what I would do without you guys. Sorry for this chapter not being much longer than the last. I know I said I am trying to make them longer, but it's getting hard with all the blocks I've been having. Not that I'm trying to make excuses for myself XP. It's about 500 hundred words longer, so that leads me to believe that I am going up in fives (hundreds) and will eventually reach my goal of having one chapter 5000 words long. Though it may take a while. I might even have to wait till my next story to be able to accomplish that goal. Oh well, I shall keep at it.

Sorry if this is turning soap opera-y. Cheese is just so easy to write XP. I'm going to do my best to move away from this genre, and will try and man Sasuke up a bit heh heh.

From now on I am going to keep the dialogue down to a minimum. Sorry, it's just I don't think it really goes with this story, and it feels to me like it is ruining the flow. When they do talk, I'll try and keep it funny (wait... isn't that why it ruins the flow?... mmmhmmm, I'll have to think on that).

Well anyway, see ya later!

**A/N**


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary: **_He left again. It didn't make a difference that he had convinced the Hokage to make it official mission. The fact is he left. And he didn't even have the guts to say good bye face to face. Who needs a stupid letter?_

**Warnings: **_Yaoi Lemons MPreg Angst Swearing_

**Rating: **_Mature_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights, nor do I wish to own the rights to Naruto or its characters

* * *

-.- 

_**Letters **_

_**Chapter Six **_

-.-

_"You ready? We won't be coming back for a long time." _

-.-

Those words resonated in his head for hours. He wasn't ready, not at all. But it was too late. There was no time left. They had already begun their week long trek to an old Uchiha Estate. Both Kiba and Baa-Chan had tried to discourage him from choosing this place as his safe house, but he would have none of it. They had argued that anyone who knew of his relationship with the Uchiha would see this coming, only to have Naruto argue right back that no one knew of their relationship and that even if they did, wouldn't it be too much of an obvious place? They would never think the Hokage of Konoha unintelligent enough to allow one of her elite jounin to what they thought of as an unprotected place. He had won the battle, mostly because he had threatened to leave on his own, rather than his brilliant debate skills.

With the campsite for the night chosen, and the fire lit, food was the next necessary item on the agenda. Being that he was pregnant, he thought it fair that Kiba do the foraging, and if he was in a giving mood, he may just tend to the fire during the night. Who knew being pregnant could be so enjoyable? Sniggering to himself slightly, he entered his perfectly made tent – courtesy of Kiba. Oh yes, there certainly were perks. He found it strange that he was learning to smile again after such a small period of time. In the beginning he had thought it would take him weeks, if not months. In worst case scenarios he thought it may have even taken till their child was born before his muscles worked up the courage to try something quite as daring as a smile. As much as he was loathe to admit it, Kiba had helped in more ways then one. He had forced him to put his priorities in the correct order, and to be happy again.

Forcing him to be happy? What a strange way to put it, but yet in the situation it made perfect sense. Because he had been forced. Forced by the silly antics of someone who was rapidly becoming one of his closest friends. If only he could do so much in return. To think that for over a year his friend had been battling with a pain no one saw. All had thought that because the relationship had ended before His love went missing in action, that Kiba would not be affected too seriously. How wrong were they. If anything, it made the pain worse for Kiba. For him to go through the guilt of being angry and resentful towards His former love in what could possibly have been his last moments, Naruto hoped he never knew such a feeling.

With all these feelings of guilt, Kiba never even had a chance to move on properly. He wasn't allowed to stay angry because the person he was angry at could possibly be dead. This meant that he could not move on from the relationship at his own pace. It meant that that chapter of his life was, as it was seeming to be so far, to be forever unfinished. A novel without an ending. It was so unfair. And because of all this, Kiba's heart never once moved on. It was almost like he was still waiting for his love to return. And there was nothing Naruto could do about it. There was no way for him to comfort Kiba without re-opening old wounds.

It just wasn't fair.

With all these thoughts, some almost boarding on pity, he briefly thought that maybe, just maybe he should help Kiba to finish the dinner. Seeing his friend sopping wet, face red from frustration, yelling and swearing at the "_stupid fish_", Naruto decided that letting him do it on his own was better. His friend had been searching for so long for something to occupy his mind that it wasn't Naruto's place to take it away from him. Kiba was right in saying that he and Naruto were the same. Pity was not something that either wanted. And anyway, if Naruto were to be completely honest, he didn't mind not doing chores. Coughing on an almost escaped gig-laugh, he decided that dinner was a ways off yet, and maybe a nap was needed to get him through until then. It was amazing just how lazy he had become.

"Baby's fault..." he whispered groggily to himself, causing a small smile to flit across his self appointed protector's face.

_See,_ Kiba thought to himself, _loneliness isn't so great. Sometimes it's just nice to know that someone else is there with you... _

-.-

There had been no mishaps along the road, as long as the angry mother bear could be discluded. How was Naruto to know that the cub was not in fact lost, but just waiting on the other side of a bush for it's mother to finish finding food. The moment Naruto saw the cub, looking so lost and alone, he couldn't help but try and pick it up to comfort. Blame it on the newly growing maternal instincts. After being chased for a good mile, they were safe to move on at their previous pace.

Now an hour off from their destination, both could almost smell the comfortable beds that awaited them. If such a thing were even possible.

Reaching up to adjust his bag, Naruto saw the abandoned Uchiha estate coming into view. He had been expecting to see a run down mansion, but he was sorely mistaken. Though the garden seemed to have grown a bit out of hand, the house itself seemed perfectly fine. The paint was neither peeling nor off colour. It seemed as if it had never been left.

He excitedly jogged the remaining few metres to the house, almost holding his breathe in anticipation as he opened the gate. It was perfect. Old style roof, the large wooden doors, and the purest of white paper walls.

On the inside, furniture was sparse. No portraits of people adorned the walls, only a few landscapes to keep them from being lonely. Dust had accumulated every where, so thick that their footsteps left prints. Opposite to the front entry, the back garden was still in immaculate condition. No algae marred the simple ponds and water features, weeds seeming to fear the thought of blemishing such perfection. Trees trimmed to the most complimenting heights, as if they had been waiting all this time for someone to come along and appreciate their worth. And the flowers. Their scent seemed to play with your nose, tickling your senses while warring with ones eyes, almost daring them to try and find another as beautiful as them.

Letting out a whimpered sigh, Naruto dropped his bags to the ground and freely allowed his mouth to hang open. He had no idea why Sasuke had never brought him here before. Heck, he had no idea why Sasuke did not insist they live here permanently. He could think of no better place to raise children...

But that was the problem wasn't it.

Sasuke didn't know that they were about to become parents. He had thought from the very beginning that being with Naruto had meant that he had given up his chance to revive his clan. And yet he had still chosen him. He had picked Naruto over one of his life dreams. And Naruto had let him. Back then he had not known it was possible for him to conceive, and he still chose to selfishly keep Sasuke to himself. If he had really cared, he would have told Sasuke from the first moment they became a couple that they should leave together to find Itachi. They could have fought together.

But no.

He was too selfish once again. It was dangerous, and he had just been so comfortable at the time. He finally had the love of his life right there beside him. Was it really so bad that he wanted to keep it that way for just a little bit longer? Yes. Yes it was. It was because, if he had just left then, if he had not been so selfish; then this could all have been over by now. Sasuke wouldn't be fighting alone, and Naruto wouldn't be here feeling sorry for himself like the sap he was. But he couldn't help it. He had just been so happy.

Falling to his knees, Naruto finally let his tears fall freely. And over one of the most irrelevant things he could possibly be thinking of at a time like this. Why was it that he was so stupid? He was safe now. He had someone to rely on. He was no longer alone, so why was he crying? Why was he letting the past come back to haunt him. The past was something he couldn't change, so why let it get to him? If he wanted to cry, why wasn't he crying over the fact that Sasuke had left him? It didn't make any sense.

And yet the tears just kept falling.

Like rain is the simplest form of water, his tears were the very essence of sadness. Hopelessness and desperation.

It didn't matter what the fiend logic had to say. He was alone. So what if he had Kiba to lean on. So what if he had a baby growing within him. His heart was locked in a windowless room, screaming for Sasuke to come back. To not leave him. Not again.

And maybe that is why he cried. God knows he would give anything to have an excuse for these tears.

Feeling strong arms come up behind him and wrap his body in a comforting embrace, he felt his body start to relax, releasing all the tension from his shoulders.

"I was wandering when you were finally going to break. I'm just glad that I'm here to pick up the pieces now that it has happened. I know you were always afraid that he was going to disappear again. I know that you're afraid that everyone else will leave you too, so I'm going to tell you something; I. Will. Never. Leave. You... Never. Do you understand that Naruto? I'm here from now till the very end. So get ready for a very annoying life with me being the primary annoyer." Grinning down cheekily, Kiba softly wiped away the tears staining Naruto's face.

Gently picking Naruto up, he trekked quietly through the house before finding a bedroom to place Naruto in. He watched as Naruto sleepily called out for Sasuke, his heart breaking for his friend at each whimpered plead. If it wasn't for the fact he knew the bastard loved Naruto, and had left for both of their sakes, he would tear the Uchiha's body apart limb by limb. People don't just leave their mate without a proper goodbye. Not if they love each other.

"Love? Hah, love only brings a world of hurt. Friends are all we really need." He whispered bitterly to himself.

-.-

Naruto groggily opened his eyes. He had no recollection of how he came to be in this bed, nor when he had even fallen asleep. Turning over to curl up once again, he groaned at the pain in his head. That was another reason he hated to cry. Not only did it hurt emotionally, but it drained him physically.

Hearing a rustle of paper, he groped around the pillows to remove the object intruding on his sleep. His fingers brushed along thick parchment. His eyes shot open as he sat up quickly, hands now scrabbling for the paper. Grasping it in shaking hands he slowly opened the letter. Looking down to calm himself, he noticed a large pile of unopened letters. Counting them he realized that there were 11. One for everyone that had not arrived while he was in Konoha, one for everyday they had been on the road, and one... for today.

Reading through each one, he laughed and smiled and frowned and felt so many emotions that he didn't know what to do with himself. It was just too much. Not once over all these days had Sasuke forgotten him. He had been diligently recording down his thoughts. Telling Naruto what news he had come across, what his next steps were most likely to be. All the kind of things that helped Naruto know that Sasuke was being careful, that he wasn't letting his need for revenge make him do something rash. He had known better than Naruto himself, just what he needed to hear.

Moving onto the last letter, Naurto wandered briefly if he should have taken his time with the letters, rather than race through them life a child at Christmas time. He decided that that would have just been worse for him, his impatience being something he acknowledged quite readily. Putting his obsessive thoughts to the farthest corners of his mind he began reading the last letter he had so far.

-.-

_I met the widowed wife of a shinobi who used to be well acquainted with my family. She was the oddest thing I ever laid my eyes upon. Up, up and above you by miles. Don't growl at me, you know you aren't normal. Secretly, I wouldn't have it any other way. It's actually starting to worry me that I am more outspoken in letters than when using my mouth, but I think I can get over it. You probably enjoy this out of character me. But as I was saying, she was odd. Not in the way she looked or dressed, but in her thoughts and interpretation of life. To be honest, she looked like a very respectable and well off women. She kept telling me to stop worrying about you, that if I died fulfilling this last wish of mine, that you would get over it. If it wasn't for the fact she had a nasty temper, I may just have walked out on her there and then, but she went on to say interesting things. I asked her how she could say such things. Why wasn't she more compassionate to you, and telling me to keep myself safe for your sake if not mine like everyone else. She scoffed at me; something I think is probably below someone of her stature, but fitting to her none the less. Yes Naruto, that was an insult to her. No need to get angry, I just thought you might not have clicked. Anyway, she said that if you really cared about me that you would get over it. It is the greatest act of love to forgive someone for leaving you, forgiving them for betraying you. I asked her if this is what she was like when her husband died. She laughed and said not for many years. It took her a long time to let go of her anger. I asked her she did it in the end. I will never forget the look on her face when she answered me Naruto. It was the saddest yet most content smile I have ever seen, and I hope to never see such a look on another's face again. She told me that she didn't forget anything; she just chose to remember all the happiness she felt with her husband rather than think things such as 'I wish he was here' or 'if he was still alive...'. As odd as she is, I don't think I will ever again meet a women quite as strong as her. Though I do not for a second feel like accepting the fact I might die, but I can only hope you are as strong as she. I speak to as honestly as I can when I say; I **will** come back to you. Even if I must fight every shinigami in the whole after life to get back to you, I will. _

_Just remember that. _

_-.- _

**

* * *

A/N **

Okay, so I am fully prepared to get any and all flames for this taking so long. I even understand that many people may have given up on this, but to those of you who stuck with me, you have my heart felt thanks. I do have my reasons, but I won't make excuses for myself.

So, anyway, back to the story. It was very nearly 3,000 words this time! OMG and L-O- F'ing-L! I'm so proud of myself.

When it comes to this story, and since I have had a lot of time to think about it, there is a lot I have decided to change in the up coming chapters. First off is that Kiba may not be paired up at all. I just feel like that is me trying to make it all too neat and tidy. I now have a very clear idea on how Sasuke will first come back. And when I am going to bring in Itachi.

I would really like some comments on how my writing was in this chapter. I'm not happy with it at all, and have had it written for quite a while. I was thinking about re-writing it, but I thought that I probably would never get around to it and that would just delay me posting it. If I get enough people saying so, I will indeed re-write it. Don't be afraid to tell me either, I really like constructive criticism. It is my best friend CX.

The next chapter should be up soon, if all goes to plan, so I'll see you then.

**P.S**

To any of you who feel that you desperately need to know why I have kept you waiting for so long (hahahah and lol), you can read the bottom of my profile. See ya XP

**A/N **


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary: **_He left again. It didn't make a difference that he had convinced the Hokage to make it official mission. The fact is he left. And he didn't even have the guts to say good bye face to face. Who needs a stupid letter?_

**Warnings: **_Yaoi Lemons MPreg Angst Swearing_

**Rating: **_Mature_

**Disclaimer:**I do not own the rights, nor do I wish to own the rights to Naruto or its characters

* * *

-.-

_**Letters**_

_**Chapter Seven**_

_-.-_

_Just remember that._

_-.-_

"Maybe I'm not that strong, but as long as you keep fighting… So will I."

A feeling of lethargy quickly overwhelmed Naruto, leaving him without even the energy to place the letters inside the box that was to become their home. Instead, he curled up into a ball, proof of Sasuke's love surrounding him. The emotional roller-coaster that he had just taken a ride on made his head hurt, his eyes sting and his heart ache. How could he be happy and depressed at the same time? Was this what it was to be insane? If so, that would explain many things.

Tucking himself into an even tighter ball, Naruto allowed his body to take a rest from everything that was going on. It was just too much, too frustrating… too everything.

-.-

_Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love._

_-.-_

Naruto stretched his body out on the couch, trying his best draw in as much of the fading sunlight as he could. He allowed himself to bathe in the sounds of Kiba's frustrated yelling at an inanimate object. Some things just felt like home.

"You do know that there is this thing called a manual, right? You are falling into the stereotype of all males." Naruto grinned to himself quietly. And people said he wasn't witty. Pfft.

"You know what, you're right. I should definitely listen to your advice, seeing as you learnt that little tidbit of information the hard way. 'Cos I mean, if **you** had read the manual, you would have known how to use a condom properly." Naruto made to jump from the couch since it seemed as if it was definitely time to beat a little sense into all idiots within a five meter radius. The chase ended before it even had a chance to begin, the coward who thought it was okay to laugh at his own jokes had already run from the room in fear. Sighing to himself, Naruto made the decision that now was a good time to make his journey across the room to inspect how Kiba was going with the cot.

Crouching down before the mass of carefully crafted wood that was supposed to be an infant's bed, he couldn't help but frown. Sure all the pieces were connected, but they were connected in such way that they created the monstrosity that was in front of him. How could a trained shinobi be so bad at putting together what was essentially just a giant jigsaw puzzle? Well he'd be damned if he knew.

Hearing the sound of banging pots and pans coming from the kitchen, signifying that dinner was now on its way, Naruto made his way to the relaxing bath that had his name on it.

Making to grab his towel from the end of his bed, Naruto's head snapped towards the window. Cautiously he inched his was over to the ball of fire that seemed to holding an envelope in what he would guess was it's mouth. As less and less distance separated them, the mass of flames seemed to on an actual shape, like a reflection in water coming into focus.

Naruto stared in awe. This could not possibly be what he thought it was. Denial fogged his mind until the thing in front of him mewed.

Hmmm, so maybe it was a cat.

A cat made out of fire. Who would have thought that would be what was delivering his letters.

Sitting down forcefully on the bed, Naruto let the shock wash over him. Weird didn't even begin to cover it.

He automatically flinched when the cat began to rub his legs, seeming to be using them as posts to play a zigzag game with. The burning sensation he had been expecting never came, instead he just felt what could only be soft fur. Reaching down to pick up the little kitten, he placed the squirming thing on his lap before trying to pry the letter from in between its jaw.

As he began to read the letter, he didn't hear the yelling of his name as it came closer and closer. Nor did he hear the equally as loud yelling for 'someone' to stay back.

The letter fell from his hand at the exact same moment his bedroom door slammed open.

-.-

_I'll see you in a few weeks._

-.-

Sasuke was coming back...

-.-

A/N

I would just like to say that all credit for the letter goes to **Kagome Kaori Gryffindor**. Thank you very much.

Now this chapter and the next one, I dedicate to **Shadowpheonix143**, whose reviews made me finish them.

I really do hope people read this little authors note before complaining about the length, though I don't expect many will (I know for one I don't read them XP). The actual chapter is actually about 6 times longer then this, but after allowing my friend to read this, she said that I should cut it off where I did for dramatic effect. Hahahahaha, I guess she can say that because she got to read the whole thing. But anyway, I agreed with her (as you can tell).

I thought about adding both chapters together, but decided against it 'cos it just felt weird, and I'm a bit of a sadist at heart.

Now for a bit of an idea on what you missed out in this chapter, and thus will be in the next chapter.

_Here we go –_

Sakura finds out (OMG? No way!)

Sasuke finds out (Isn't that a bit soon?)

Itachi finds out (WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU PYSCHO AUTHOR?!)

.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.

Triple whammy!

Wow this is fun. See ya tomorrow!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary: **_He left again. It didn't make a difference that he had convinced the Hokage to make it official mission. The fact is he left. And he didn't even have the guts to say good bye face to face. Who needs a stupid letter?_

**Warnings: **_Yaoi Lemons MPreg Angst Swearing_

**Rating: **_Mature_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights, nor do I wish to own the rights to Naruto or its characters

-.-

_**Letters**_

_**Chapter Eight**_

-.-

Sasuke was coming back.

SASUKE was coming back.

Oxygen ceased making its way into his lungs as his whole body shut down. His heart constricted tightly, beatings decelerating to a slow thump as everything but Sasuke was pushed from his mind.

He didn't hear the shocked gasp, or the frustrated sigh. He didn't notice as one of the rooms occupants fell to their knees, head in their hands. He didn't hear as someone began to sob.

And as quickly as his senses had left him, they came back. It was as if time had sped up to make up for it slowing down.

Whipping his head around, he looked for the source of the crying only to see Kiba crouched next a pink haired girl.

Wait…

PINK hair?

"Sa…kura?"

Her tear filled eyes met his, the fogginess of confusion finally leaving him.

"Sakura! What are you doing here? How did you- I mean when did you- What is going on?!"

"What am **I** doing here?! Oh Gods, Naruto. What… What happened? How did this happen?" She Stared at Naruto with the most defeated look he had ever seen on anyone. Shifting his gaze to the opposite wall he remained quite.

"Naruto?" She whispered quietly.



"Who is the father?"

Biting his lip, Naruto readied himself to answer.

"Ano-"

"Do you really need to know? Would it make a difference who it was? Would you turn your back on him depending on the person?" Kiba placed himself in front of Naruto, as if in an attempt to shield Naruto from the quietly asked question.

"Well, no-"

"Then why does it matter?!"

"Stop it Kiba! What would be the first thing you thought if you found your MALE friend pregnant? What would you ask, huh?" Naruto glared defiantly at Kiba.

"I would ask if they were okay." Any other person, and Naruto would have called them out for lying. Any one else, and he knew it wouldn't be true. But this was Kiba, and the serious and unwavering way he said this, made it hard to doubt him. Even under as weird a circumstance as Kiba had found out about the pregnancy, that had practically been what Kiba had first asked. In his own way, He had just been checking if Naruto was okay.

"Why didn't you tell me?" The softly spoken words brought both Kiba and Naruto back into reality.

"I-"

"Why?! Don't you trust me? Why is Kiba here and not me? I just… I DON'T UNDERSTAND NARUTO!" She had collapsed into a ball, hands clenched tightly in her hair.

Kneeling down beside her, he closed his hand around hers.

"I didn't want to worry you."

In truth, and it pained Naruto to admit it, he hadn't once thought of how this would affect everyone else. He had been so obsessed with doing everything on his own, he had forgotten that other people even existed. Kiba was only in his world because he had forced his way in.

He smiled gently at her. "It's Sasuke's. Sasuke's and mine."

Seeing her heartbroken eyes nearly brought him to tears.

"I'm sorry Sakura. I never meant to hurt you and I know you love him too, and I didn't want to keep our relationship a secret from you or anything, it's just, it's just… I was so afraid." He refused to meet her eyes. He didn't want to see the hate, the rejection. He just wouldn't be able to take seeing the look he had seen so often from the villagers, on the face of one of his closest friends since childhood.



"I never set out to steal him from you." Wiping the tears from his cheeks, he sniffled in self pity. He had honestly never meant to take what he had always thought to be Sakura's. Things had just ended out strangely.

He felt soft hands lifting his chin, forcing him silently to look her in the eye.

"It's not that you and Sasuke are in a relationship that hurts me, well on most parts anyway. It's more the fact that you didn't trust me. You denied me the chance of helping you through one of the most important experiences of your life. How would you feel if I'd locked you out like that?"

"But Sasuke was always yours, I thought you'd be so angry at me for stealing-"

"When it comes to that, it's not you who's hurt me, but Sasuke. Okay? So stop worrying about that." She pulled him into a tight hug, trying to reassure Naruto with more than just words.

"Just… How did this happen? How is it even possible?"

"I'm not quite sure myself, but Tsunade thinks it's mostly to do with Kyuubi. Demons have no definite sex." Blushing, Naruto tried to explain as well as he possibly could, considering he didn't quite understand what was going on himself.

"Wait! But… Sasuke left. He-did he know?" She whispered quietly.

Laughing to himself silently, he had to wonder if everyone thought so lowly of Sasuke. He wouldn't be surprised considering how much of a bastard Sasuke was.

"No. No he didn't know."

"Oh… Is that a good thing?" Sakura asked tentatively.

"I guess. He might not have left if he had known, but then he would never have been really happy, stupid bastard that he is. At least this way, he doesn't have extra things to be worried about, and he can complete this last thing before coming home with a weight lifted off his shoulders."

Looking at Sakura as if he had only just seen her, he asked bewilderedly, "What are you doing here?"

"You run off without so much as a goodbye, and you wonder what I'm doing here?" She growled.

"And on top of that, I hear Tsunade saying that you need a doctor and she'll have to leave her duties to go see you because it was a sickness too serious for someone else to take it on. Do you have any idea how scared and worried I was?"

"I-I-I-I'm sorry Sakura. I was just so busy getting ready to leave-"

"Trying to come up with excuses to stay more like it." Muttered Kiba.

Glaring at him, Naruto continued.



"I just forgot about everything else." Bowing his head in embarrassment, he muttered quiet apologies.

"I'll be honest Naruto, it really hurts. Like **really** hurts, but I'll get over it." Her eyes were over bright, as if she was trying to hold back tears that were threatening spill.

The guilt was overwhelming. Naruto had honestly never thought about anyone but himself. He could see how this could be seen as betrayal. He was just lucky he guessed. Lucky that Sakura wasn't one to hold a grudge between friends.

-.-

It had been awkward. Awkward getting used to having a third person in the house. Awkward having longing looks thrown his way every few minutes. He should have known better than to believe that Sakura could get over Sasuke so easily. And what a great friend he was, flaunting his pregnant stomach in front of her all day. Not that he could do any different short of kicking her out of the house. In truth, he was glad she was staying, even though he knew it was hurting her. If she could put herself through such pain on a daily basis just to be there for him, he would keep his annoyance to himself. Sigh. But it truly **was** annoying. He hadn't meant to take Sasuke.

Making his way to the back garden, he grabbed a few blankets on the way. The evenings were starting to turn cold.

Easing himself very slowly and gently into a seat, he began to rub soothing circles into his constantly expanding stomach. As superficial as it may seem, he wasn't too happy about Sasuke seeing him this way. His face was always red and sweaty from the exhausting torture that was called walking, his feet and ankles had swelled to three times their usual size, and his stomach was so big he hadn't been able to see his toes in a month. Definitely not how he had wanted to look upon his reunion with Sasuke.

Hearing a piercing 'meow' he groaned.

"I am not feeding you again, you glutton. Go back to Sasuke and stop bothering me."

The kitten batted Naruto across the nose as if to teach him manners. Either way, Naruto was not getting up.

The letters had not come for a few days, not that Naruto was worried. The last letter had stated that Sasuke would be unable to talk to Naruto for a while. Something about dangerous territory. He guessed that that was why the cat had yet to leave. He actually didn't mind the company.

Seeing that the sun was nearly fully set, Naruto began the stupidly exhausting task of getting up from the chair, and getting something to eat.

As he neared the kitchen, he heard Sakura and Kiba talking heatedly. Pausing to eavesdrop, he signaled for the kitten to be quiet so as not to give away their presence. Kiba and Sakura had been arguing a lot lately, but they always stopped if either of them noticed Naruto.



"-No right."

"What do you mean no right? He left us for four years. He gave me every right!"

"They are happy together, Sakura!"

"When I asked him, he said there was nothing going on! He lied to me!"

"Maybe when you asked, nothing really was going on."

"I asked him two days before he disappeared!"

"Oh… but still-"

"Just don't interfere Kiba."

"Do what you want then, I'm just telling you now; it's not gonna work. You might think he is vulnerable and alone, and an easy target or something, but he's not. He's stronger than he's ever been. He's had to be, or else he would have broken down by now."

"Stop making it sound like I'm some conniving home wrecker! I have loved him for so long and Sasuke knew that! He knew that, and he still let me believe that Naruto was mine to love. If anything, it's Sasuke who is the home wre-"

"Naruto?!"

Both Kiba and Sakura ran to an unconscious Naruto, frantically searching for what was wrong with him.

-.-

This whole time Naruto had been feeling guilty, thinking he had stolen the love of Sakura's life. All along it had been him though. Him. It gave new meaning to all the longing looks, the doting and the smiles. He finally understood why she chose to stay with him through the pain.

Behind all the confusion and thoughts racing through his mind, a little part of stopped to wonder when? When had it stopped being Sasuke and started being him?

Maybe the same time it stopped being Sakura for him, and started being Sasuke. How ironic.

It almost made him laugh that it was now that Sakura loved him. Was love even the right word?

How many years had he spent longing for her, doing crazy antics just to get her to look at him, and now he almost wished that she would never look at him again. He couldn't bare it now that he knew it was his fault completely. Before it had just been the fact that Sasuke had fallen in love with him, and him with Sasuke. He hadn't set out to steal Sasuke, so he couldn't blame himself completely for Sasuke falling in love with him.



But now it was him. He was the reason Sakura's heart ached, not Sasuke. She was the one person who had been beside him all along.

He had betrayed her.

He had-

"Naruto?"

He turned his head to the side. He couldn't, wouldn't look at her.

"I'm guessing you heard it all then?"

He had no answer for her. How could he tell her he knew she loved him, and in the same breathe have to reject her?

"I'm sorry I kept it from you." She touched his hand lightly, her finger caressing his knuckles. "And I'm sorry you had to hear it like that."

The air just felt so thick; he couldn't even breathe. Why was she apologizing?

"Don't say sorry."

"Look at me Naruto… Please?"

He slowly turned his head in her direction, his eyes shining brightly from the tears being held back.

"Don't say sorry when I should be the one who is sorry." He whispered tightly.

She pulled him tightly into his arms.

"It is **not** your fault. Not at all."

"But-"

"Just… Just don't blame yourself. Love is no ones fault. So just don't okay?" As she smiled down at him, one could almost hear the cracks growing in her heart; it was about to shatter.

Laughing quietly, she got up to make her way to the door.

"Well I guess it's about time I was back on my way to Konoha. I think I've overstayed my welcome."

"Sakura, don't ever think I don't want you around!"

She clipped his ear playfully.

"I know, but it's me who wants to go. Don't worry, I'll come back soon."



He watched as the door closed behind her, not even having the energy to see her to the door. Some things really made you wonder whether or not it was worth it, getting up in the morning.

-.-

"Naruto? Dinners ready… If you want some." Kiba poked his head in through the door, a goofy grin on his face. What a question, as if Naruto would say no to food.

Looking around the empty room, Kiba frowned. Seeing a little note attached to the pillow Kiba growled in frustration. How often did he have to tell Naruto that he actually had to **tell** Kiba he was leaving before he did? Inconsiderate imbecile.

-.-

_Gone out for a walk in the forest._

_Will be back when hungry._

_Soon XP_

_Make sure there's an extra place just in case Sasuke comes today._

_If he doesn't, I'll eat it for him._

-.-

Naruto sat beneath weeping willow reading his latest letter. He had been worried at first when the small cat he had affectionately named Soba (not as good as ramen, but close) had disappeared, but had gotten over it pretty quickly with the arrival of a new letter.

-.-

_I feel so sad and depressed  
All I want to do is lie my head down  
I go to sleep at night  
But my dreams,  
Dreams are just one thing I can't fight_

I think of you lying alone in that bed  
And wonder if there is anything I could have said… done.  
I wish I were still there  
But I know that you are safe  
These are the only thoughts that make the pain…  
Lessen

I wish that I didn't have to leave  


_I just want one more day with you  
And I know that's what you would have wanted too_

I miss you more and more each day  
There is so much more I could've said  
I know I will see you again soon  
And then,  
Then our lives will begin 

_So just wait  
Only one day  
And then we'll start again_

-.-

As heavily pregnant as Naruto was, he heard the twig break beneath the person's foot before it happened. Within a second he was on his feet and running for the safety of his home. He knew he wasn't as fast as usual, but he had a feeling that even at his true speed it wouldn't have made a difference.

Fear clutched at his heart. He knew, just **knew** that it wasn't him the person was after. It was his baby.

Kiba had been so sure that they had gotten away safely, but Naruto knew better. The fact that Sakura had found them only proved to strengthen his doubts. If it hadn't been for the fact he was worried Sasuke would not be able to find them, he would have left to a new hiding spot the moment Sakura arrived.

He heard more than felt the hand that swiped out to grab his forearm. Leaning to the side, he used his newly acquired weight to propel him away from the attacker. He didn't know how much longer he could keep this up; it was only adrenaline keeping him standing.

It was then that Naruto's eyes meet the familiar red swirling of a sharingan.

He could feel his mind being pulled in, a fantasy luring him in as a hand reached for his stomach.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

-.-

**A/N**

Now wasn't that just the most dramatic chapter ever? Drama, drama everywhere.

Late update I know, but I'll keep my excuses to myself.

Thank you anyone who is still following my story.



Once again, this is dedicated to **shadowphoenix143**

I'd just like to know a few things if you'd be willing to comment,

Does anyone want Sakura to come back in? And how was she?

I purposely made her OC, and the reason I made her love Naruto is cos I can see that happening, what with the way Shippudden is going. And also because I can't stand writing SasuSaku, even if it is one sided.

And plus, I can just so see that happening. Naruto thinking Sakura loved Sasuke, when really she had fallen for him.

Anyway, can you guess you screamed out the 'NOOOOOOOOOOO'?

Hahahahaha, easy one I know. Especially if you read the authors note in the last chapter.

Well I'll hopefully be updating soon.

I'd like to thank **Sky-eyed Kitsune** for her awesome beta-ingness. She even did all my older chapters.

Has anyone been keeping up to date with the Manga? OMG! I hate to say it but… I TOLD YOU SO! I always knew the truth about Itachi!! And Sasuke –drools-, isn't he just gorgeous?

**A/N**


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary:** He left again. It didn't make a difference that he had convinced the Hokage to make it official mission. The fact is he left. And he didn't even have the guts to say good bye face to face. Who needs a stupid letter?  
**Warnings:** Yaoi Lemons MPreg Angst Swearing  
**Rating:** Mature  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights, nor do I wish to own the rights to Naruto or its characters

* * *

-.-

_**Letters**_

_**Chapter Six**_

-.-

_Why is it so dark?_

_Sasuke?_

_I don't want to leave..._

_No!_

_I'm not ready to leave..._

-.-

Naruto stared. Not a muscle of his moved, clothing untouched by the breeze.

"Itachi..."

The robe clad figure inched closer, breath coming in short pants. He flinched as tortured eyes gazed at him imploringly.

Clutching his stomach, he prepared to run. At this point in time fear was over-clouding his knowledge that escape was futile. His head whipped back at a gasped word.

"Wait."

Itachi staggered forward, his boding hunched.

"Please..."

"What do you want from me?" Naruto whispered quietly.

"Just for you to listen."

Naruto did not question why Itachi was in pain when this was only an illusion; did not try to guess why his mind had yet to attack him. He just sat.

And waited.

His senses had come back to him and he knew there was no way out. Even if he could fight, it would only be against his own mind. His best bet was to play along and maybe, just maybe, he would come out of this with his mind. As much as he wanted to fight, he realised that it wasn't only his life that was riding on his victory.

He rubbed gentle circles into his swollen stomach. No. Not just his life.

"Okay."

He watched as relief flooded Itachi's pain ridden face.

"I am dying."

Other than the imperceptible widening of Naruto's eyes, no one would have guessed that Itachi had spoken of anything other than the fact that the sun sets in the west. "When you awaken, Sasuke will have already killed me. You must convince him to take my eyes for his own. If he does not, our little family 'gift' will blind him. The more he uses, the quicker his sight will leave him."

This was all spoken in the most nonchalant of ways. No bitterness. Merely a person speaking of trivial things such as the weather.

"I won't."

"And why is that?" Suddenly Itachi seemed to become more desperate. Naruto knew he was a man who had almost run out of time.

"I don't trust you. You know as well as I do how easily this could be a trap."

"If you are not willing to trust me now, at least preserve my eyes or my body, so that when his sight begins to fade, you will have the option; so you do not have to watch him die inside as his body cripples on the outside."

Naruto was at a loss. What trap could Itachi have set for them? What if what he spoke was true? The risk was great, but could he really do anything but give in? He knew all too well what blindness would do to Sasuke. He wouldn't be able to handle it. It would crush his spirit. And at the same time, there was no way Sasuke would stop using his sharingan completely. On missions, when the situation became life or death, he would use it. No matter what, Sasuke would lose his sight. Be it over 5 or 30 years, it would happen. If anything, the longer route would just drive Sasuke crazy.

"Time for thinking is long gone. You'll be back with my dear brother very soon."

Naruto watched as Itachi's figure lost definition, as if Naruto was looking through a condensed window.

"Wait! Why? If what you say is true, why are you even telling me?"

He was confused. Nothing was making sense!

Itachi allowed a slight upturn at the corners of his mouth. It couldn't even be called a smile.

"Though he will never believe it, and ask that you never tell him, I do love him. He will always be my little brother. I am dying. What do I need my eyes for anyway?"

With that Naruto felt himself being pulled into consciousness. But there was so much more he wanted know What did Itachi mean by that? He loved Sasuke? But he couldn't! He'd murdered everyone... He couldn't... He coul-

-.-

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Sasuke made to run forward and grab Naruto.

"Stop. Touch him and he will not awaken, little brother."

Sasuke stilled mid step, growling.

Itachi kneeled beside a crumpled Naruto, his hand gently brushing against a swollen abdomen.

Sasuke inched closer, disgusted by the sight of his older brother touching what was not his. Itachi played with blond hair, eyes never once disconnecting from Naruto's.

"You won't ever be strong enough to look after him, little brother. And that... is merely a fact." He rose, slowly turning to face Sasuke.

"You can't save him."

With that, Sasuke lunged; anger etched into every line on his face.

"I will kill you now! You won't take anything more from me! **I won't let you!**"

Sasuke watched in horror as Itachi's arms readied themselves to snap the precious neck in which they held, his hand reflexively throwing a kunai at his target as he sprinted forward.

Three steps in he faltered. What?

It was so anticlimactic. This had to be some sort of hallucination.

No battle to the death. No screams of betrayal.

No chance to ask "_why?_".

This was so screwed up. How could a kunai – a _KUNAI_ – bring about the death of Uchiha Itachi.

Sasuke fell to his knees, nature clawing at his skin.

This was just too easy.

-.-

* * *

**A/N**

Somebody kill me now! Ahhhhhh!.

It's so short and I'm so sorry. Normally I wouldn't disgust the wonderful people who read this story with such a short (and LATE) chapter, but I haven't updated in months and I knew I really needed to update it with _something_. Arrrrgh!

I'm having such a block with this baby. Don't know what's wrong. Can somebody, ANYBODY, please help me?!

I would love you forever!

I never wanted to be the author that gave up on a story, but with the way it's going, I'm either going to severely late with every update, or it's going on hiatus. I just don't know what to do.

I've always said that I write for myself (though I still adore and appreciate every reader) but I don't want push away the people who have followed this story (as short as it is) for this past –almost- year. That just wouldn't be even close to fair.

I promise to try, but I just don't know what to do XC

**A/N**


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